I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
