i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
