I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
