If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
