i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
