WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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