Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
