I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
