if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
