Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
