If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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