you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
