the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
