That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just had sex on a roof
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
