there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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