where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
