did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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