After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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