So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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