dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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