I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
