so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
