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1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
