the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
