do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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