She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
