I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
