so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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