i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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