I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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