The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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