My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
