I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
