I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
