Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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