Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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