please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
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you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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