Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
