Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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