why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
