I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
