Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
