She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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