my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
