well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
