This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
even my farts smell like vagina
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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