$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
