At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
