Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
