My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
