on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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