Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
