I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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