I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
