My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
