Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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