is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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