I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
