My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
