it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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