yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
