I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
