I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
