quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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