butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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