Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Text me some of your sweat
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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