i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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