Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
