I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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