? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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