how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
