Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
