i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
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