I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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