I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
