The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
