I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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