don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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