dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
