Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
