I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
