he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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