No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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