Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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