so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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