You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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