I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
