There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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