My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
