READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
